On March 5th, 2012 my world was shattered when my husband called me from California and demanded a divorce. Two weeks later I found out he was having an adulterous affair and had been since before his trip out here in December. It tore my heart and my world in two. After all I had given, relocating 2200 miles away to be closer to HIS family, relocating FOR him and doing what my husband had wanted for our family, trusting him, and patiently waiting for the his final relocation, and it was over and the betrayal took my breath away.
It's been a journey into the depths of Hell and I am not even remotely through it yet. Even my sister's passing at a 29, in my own home, has not been able to light a candle to this pain. Nothing I have ever been through compares. NOTHING.(and I have been through a LOT in this life of mine.)
After all is said and done, it is clear that my husband is very confused and doesn't really know what he wants but it is also clear that he will not let go of the relationship with his mistress, and that he holds some view points that are extremely contrary to reconciliation. I won't go into details but I can say that after 16 years together, I felt peace and very much lead by the Lord to let it go and trust in the Will of the Lord. After endless prayer and supplication, last month I gave into my husband's wishes and filed for divorce. I scarcely believe I am here, and this is happening.
I did want to say, this journey has been revealing. God's word has been a light unto my feet. I firmly believe that God's will is that man's heart does not harden, does not turn from Him, and that, should we be obedient and faithful, our rewards will be reaped in our families. However, we have free will and with that, the ability to fall away. My husband has fallen away in a major way and broken the covenant of the marriage vow.
I was always firmly vested that marriage should be forever. That, as a Christian, you must do all that you can to ensure the relationship works. For better and for worse. What I learned is that a marriage is a two way street. BOTH partners need to be vested, interested, and active in it's renewal and it's growth. My husband has been checked out for years apparently (yet another thing I didn't know until all this came to pass). It wouldn't have mattered if I were the picture of perfection, he wouldn't have seen it, because he didn't WANT to see it. Why? I cannot say. I honestly don't know. .
But it is what it is, and I have to protect myself and my children from the sin, from the sadness, and the overall brokenness that this has brought forth upon my family. Yes, now we are a family of three, but God has been there all along, and He will continue to be.
2 Corinthians 12:9
9 But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power[a] is perfected in weakness.” Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me.
7 The Lord is my strength and my shield;Psalm 28:7
my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.
Therefore my heart rejoices,
and I praise Him with my song.
For now,I will leave you with what's been my guiding light these days...
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.[b]Jeremiah 29:11-14
New International Version (NIV)
1 comments:
My heart is hurting for you right now. I am thankful that you are holding tight onto God and His promises. I have been praying for you and will continue to pray.
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